In general it is difficult to give (real, honest) feedback when it is about something that impacted on us in a negative way. Why? Maybe because we feel uncomfortable saying (what we called) “negative” things to another person when we know that s/he did not have “negative” intentions. But feedback is not about intentionality. It is about the impact that what others say and do has on me.

There are two assumptions under this approach to feedback: 1) feedback understood as a “correct vs. incorrect” answer, something that is right or wrong, like a test and 2) feedback understood as something that is only for the one who is receiving feedback, like a present.

If I give feedback thinking in doing it in a “right or wrong” way it could seem internally like a test, with the possibility to fail, that would inhibit my freedom and authenticity of doing it. When I am afraid to fail, I rather not do anything. But, feedback cannot be right or wrong since it is based on feelings and experiences, not in “objective reality or knowledge”; it can be well received or not, can make sense to the other person or not, but we are talking about our experience and feelings about others and this cannot be correct nor incorrect.

If I give feedback only as a “present” to other I am not being conscious of the strong personal compromise that giving feedback entails. When I am giving feedback I am talking much more about me than about you (the receiver), since I am exposing my feelings and thoughts about my experience of what you said or did. Maybe it is because of that personal exposure that it is difficult to give “negative” feedback.

As I was talking to a friend today, there are cultural differences in the way we approach the act of giving feedback,

What do you think?

(Apologizes for the grammar errors)